Love is the tyrant of the emotions, the eater of the mind, and the destroyer of worlds.
More lives have been destroyed, devastated, and defiled by love, than have of any other cause. The Love of God, the Love of Country, and the Love of Power.
Surely as love can bring people together, it can rip them asunder. It can crush nations, it can bring men to their knees, and it can make me write cliches.
Love is a lie.
Love will show you want you want, tell you you need it, and once you have it, tell you that you love it. But sometimes, most of the time, all of the time, you find that it's not quite what you asked for. That the thing you wanted, "needed," and now have, is neither, nor, and not.
Love is neutral.
We are raised to believe that love is a good thing, an emotion that should be cherished and shared with few. But as we grow we learn that love is the most treacherous of emotions. It hurts to want it, it hurts to lose it, and only in having it, is it any good.
Love conquers all things, even itself.
Love is sacrifice.
Whether you sacrifice time, money, or your body, is up to you. But it is unquestionably the emotion of sacrifice. John 3:16, is the Christian version of love, if you have any doubt whatsoever.
To sacrifice ones own love so that another may be free to love another.
To sacrifice your love for one person for the love of another.
To sacrifice one kind of love for another, romantic for platonic and vice versa.
Those are the greatest forms of love, and sacrifice.
What are you willing to sacrifice for love? Do not mistake that question for this one: What would you sacrifice to have love? Everyone wants love, many people would give an arm and a leg to be loved. That is not the question.
What would you sacrifice for someone or something else that you love? Would you take a bullet for your fellow man? Would you die for your country? Would you let your love fade away so that the other person could be happy?
What is love?
Love is sacrifice.
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Alex?
A while back I posted about a woman I had in my dreams, a red-headed girl who accompanied me through a lot of strange things. Zombies, roller-skating, running through dream-malls.
I said I had decided to name her Alex, but upon some reflection, maybe she's Michelle Mellick, the first girl I ever loved, that turned out to be a construct of two girls. She never really existed but my friend just said, "She was real to you."
And it's true, she was real to me. The long hours spent in chatroom Apartment 204, talking and the game sessions from our old Resident Evil Role-Playing Game.
The digital flowers, the digital kisses, the night I listened to Lauren Hill's I Need You Baby on repeat. The hours of phone cards spent with Kim-cum-Michelle.
The night I spent crying when I found out she wasn't real, listening to Viva Forever. It all happened, and even if she wasn't a real person, it meant something to me.
Dammit, she meant something to me.
I said I had decided to name her Alex, but upon some reflection, maybe she's Michelle Mellick, the first girl I ever loved, that turned out to be a construct of two girls. She never really existed but my friend just said, "She was real to you."
And it's true, she was real to me. The long hours spent in chatroom Apartment 204, talking and the game sessions from our old Resident Evil Role-Playing Game.
The digital flowers, the digital kisses, the night I listened to Lauren Hill's I Need You Baby on repeat. The hours of phone cards spent with Kim-cum-Michelle.
The night I spent crying when I found out she wasn't real, listening to Viva Forever. It all happened, and even if she wasn't a real person, it meant something to me.
Dammit, she meant something to me.
Perhaps.
Perhaps it's my lot in life to help others. To be the guy who makes you feel better, pick you up when you're down, dispel your fears.
But in order to do so, I give away a part of my joy, so that another could have it. To share my love and give it away. To sacrifice my joy for another's.
Phillip once said that perhaps my role was to lead, to bring people together and help things along, but that it was a double edged sword. That since I knew all, saw all, I couldn't be happy. That it as lonely at the top.
It's lonely at the top.
So very lonely.
But in order to do so, I give away a part of my joy, so that another could have it. To share my love and give it away. To sacrifice my joy for another's.
Phillip once said that perhaps my role was to lead, to bring people together and help things along, but that it was a double edged sword. That since I knew all, saw all, I couldn't be happy. That it as lonely at the top.
It's lonely at the top.
So very lonely.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Starlight
Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die
Starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore
Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms
My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to re-ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive
I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms
Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die
I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
(I didn't really want to resort to this on my blog but I can't help but want to post this.)
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die
Starlight
I will be chasing a starlight
Until the end of my life
I don't know if it's worth it anymore
Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms
My life
You electrify my life
Let's conspire to re-ignite
All the souls that would die just to feel alive
I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms
Far away
This ship has taken me far away
Far away from the memories
Of the people who care if I live or die
I'll never let you go
If you promise not to fade away
Never fade away
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Our hopes and expectations
Black holes and revelations
Hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold you in my arms
I just wanted to hold
(I didn't really want to resort to this on my blog but I can't help but want to post this.)
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Tick Tock
It's strange to me how the heart can so easily effect the mind with emotion but not the other way around. It's a one way street but in the end the mind is the one making the final decisions.
It reminds me of a couple, and not wanting to get political but it reminds me of the leader of a country. Whether it be a king and queen or the president and the first lady (and perhaps in a few months a first gentleman?) .
Where one has the lead but listens heavily to the other. Is all of creation meant to work in tandem as such?
I'm getting off topic. What I meant to get into was the fact that it's quite bothersome how my emotions cloud my actions and thoughts, but I can't ask them to stop.
I've gotten the advice to not try and control them, but it's difficult not to let them control me. I feel like a slave to my own heart. It tells me one thing but my mind knows it's a bunch of nonsense.
In a related problem the more I attempt to avoid the undesired emotion or train of thought, the more I end up in it. Like quicksand, I can't seem to find a way out. Also, it's not something I can distance myself from easily. The only thing I can do is bite my lip and hope either the time or the feeling passes, but they are long hours, and in one way, I don't want to avoid my emotions because they come so natural.
I'm talking in circles aren't I? To sum it up, I can't help but feel a way, I can't avoid it, though I like it, and I know it's all futile. The only thing I can do is hope either the situation or the feeling passes, but I feel like not acting on my feelings is a form of self-denial.
Time will tell.
It reminds me of a couple, and not wanting to get political but it reminds me of the leader of a country. Whether it be a king and queen or the president and the first lady (and perhaps in a few months a first gentleman?) .
Where one has the lead but listens heavily to the other. Is all of creation meant to work in tandem as such?
I'm getting off topic. What I meant to get into was the fact that it's quite bothersome how my emotions cloud my actions and thoughts, but I can't ask them to stop.
I've gotten the advice to not try and control them, but it's difficult not to let them control me. I feel like a slave to my own heart. It tells me one thing but my mind knows it's a bunch of nonsense.
In a related problem the more I attempt to avoid the undesired emotion or train of thought, the more I end up in it. Like quicksand, I can't seem to find a way out. Also, it's not something I can distance myself from easily. The only thing I can do is bite my lip and hope either the time or the feeling passes, but they are long hours, and in one way, I don't want to avoid my emotions because they come so natural.
I'm talking in circles aren't I? To sum it up, I can't help but feel a way, I can't avoid it, though I like it, and I know it's all futile. The only thing I can do is hope either the situation or the feeling passes, but I feel like not acting on my feelings is a form of self-denial.
Time will tell.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
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