I know I already posted about all this but I need to get it out, just like Danyo does on his blog. (Which makes me feel a lot closer to him than I used to. Hopefully some of you feel the same.) Nikita and I spoke a bit and she said she will always think of me as her "big brother."

If that's all I can be for now, or ever, I guess I will have to make do and hope that maybe someday in the future, the stars realign and give us more. Though in all probability it won't. In all likelihood I feel that I'll carry my feelings below the surface until she finds someone new, it'll break my heart, and then I'll be forced to move on.

I splled my feelings out on the floor one last time and gave her a last heartfelt set of voicemails and am going to try to leave it at that. From here on out I'm gonna try to control my emotions and not let them control me. (After watching Star Trek three times, I actually got a lesson out of it that related to my life.)

So that's it. I'm going to pine after her and wait for her until she moves on. But I'm going to keep my mouth shut about it. It's not a good plan, but after my whole ordeal with Crystal, I know myself well enough to know it to be true.

Most people would say to cut her out of my life, but I think this will be a good learning experience for me and I'll grow as much from this as I did with Crystal. If you're worried about my pain and suffering, I've been a lot better at coping with it than with Crystal, while I may be sad at times I'm not suicidal and I'm doing my best to not let it keep me down.

I think I've said my piece. More after the clock spins a few more times.