Again

I'm daydreaming again. I was reading on Borders when I realized I
didn't recall what was on the last paragraph.

I don't know if it was the two beers I had at Pete's to calm me down
from thinking about dropping out of school.

I daydream to escape reality, of better times and better places.
Things I'd rather do and people I'd rather be with, but this time it
wasn't too far fetched.

I decided I might want to forgo my evening class, go home and take a
ride to my friends house. I'd wait until she got of work, invite her
to sit with me and just talk.

We'd talk and watch the stars come out. Maybe I'd fall asleep in the
car and she'd lock me in.

Maybe I'd just go home.

I snapped out of it when I realized she might say no, and I don't know
where she lives.

---

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I fall in love with every woman who
so much as smiles at me?

It's sad to think there's something wrong with me, or that I'm just a
big lecher. I don't mean to crush easily.

It's unfair that they're taken, gay, or otherwise uninterested.

I hate that I don't know how to talk to them without being
overbearing. That I can't tell what they'd find romantic or just
strange.

Should I just blurt it out? Should I just see what develops? I'd hate
to ruin a frindship, and I'd hate to embaress myself. Is it worse to
never try at all, to never take the chance?

Why is it so hard? I just don't watch opportunities go by. I miss
having a companion. Someone to hold and to be held, but I'm more
scared of being shut out.

Why is it I can't have my cake and eat it to?

I'm crushing over someone again.

And I hate it.

---

Reality is not a place I want to be, I'd rather live inside my head.